


Sometimes it hurts

by MistyChildontheCastle



Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018)
Genre: AU, But with a different person, Extended Scene, M/M, Mpreg, Pregnant Brian, Sadness, freddie/brian, yes it's me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-04
Updated: 2019-04-04
Packaged: 2020-01-04 22:10:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18352706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MistyChildontheCastle/pseuds/MistyChildontheCastle
Summary: WARNING!!!! Mpreg Freddie/Brian! WARNING!!!!!Based on this prompt so credit for the idea goes to the anon, not me!!"that scene where mary comes to bring freddie home from munich except it's brian who comes. and he is pregnant a lot more visibly because he's quite far along because it's (obviously) freddie 's kid"So yeah, Brian goes to Munich and finds Freddie in a wretched state. It's a bittersweet reunion.





	Sometimes it hurts

There was a part of Freddie that knew this couldn't go on. Knew that he was breaking himself, that there was no part of him that benefitted from this lifestyle, that all of him was... hurting from all these drugs, all of this partying.

He didn't like the company he was keeping, didn't like the music he was making. The people he had surrounded himself with said that it was the best, that this was incredible music that he was doing and that this was the right step for his career. That he was going to be bigger than Queen with these albums, that he was going to be the greatest solo act in the history of music. An inflection point, a legend even bigger than he was already.

Everyone would remember him for so much more than that band, he would be Freddie Mercury on his own, the amazing singer and performer who didn't need anyone else to be the most wonderful musician that there ever was. Now that no one was holding him back he would be better than ever – his music would be trascendental, yeah. Now that he was finally free from those three leeches

_(They aren't leeches, they're your friends and you loved and betrayed them, and -)_

He was coughing and dozing in a couch as it rained outside. He felt all sorts of cold and drained and hollow. He hated his life here, he hated what he was doing and he kept getting high to avoid thinking too much about how he disliked what he was doing. But it wasn't working, he wasn't getting distracted enough to not think about the hole in his soul. He wanted to get out of this, he wanted to stop, but he was in too deep and he couldn't stop with the albums now, he had to finish, and if to finish he had to continue in this downward spiral... Who cared anyway?

Nobody cared about him, they just cared about the music, the money he could make, this flamboyant persona that blinded them. Back in London...

Brian had known him and cared about him, about his health, about his life, about his ideas and about his love for animals. And he had left him, the same way he had left the others, he had hidden things from him and all to end up here, cold, surrounded by the waste left by drugs, uncomfortably dozing and coughing on a couch.

Freddie was awoken by a knock on his window. There was a long haired figure on the other side, belonging to on of the persons that mattered most in the world to him.The one he'd called his own, the one he'd left alone and abandoned in London, just as he was getting sick (Freddie could deal with his own sickness but seeing someone he loved be ill was a different thing). Brian.

They've had this on again off again thing for years, never quite becoming anything more than casual boyfriends but never letting each other go. They really loved each other, even if they hadn't put names on what they were. They wrote songs together and created a lot of music that was of the two of them and it was...well, it was grand. They were able to make great things when they were together and alone, with no one else around. Their passion shone through in the work they did, in everything they put their overactive minds to.

They had come to love the other's passions. Freddie learned to love the stars and space lights as much as the guitarist did, and he enjoyed Brian's calm and introspective demeanor. It gave him peace when he most needed it, gave him pause, gave him depth. The cats absolutely adored Brian, who was very affectionate and caring with them. The guitarist loved how lively and intense Freddie was, a beacon of light even in his darkest days.

They weren't a perfect match, of course. Brian was a bit too classic for Freddie's excessive and ever changing tastes. He wasn't wild enough, he wasn't adventurous enough, according to Fred, and this was the beginning of a lot of very strong fights. And emotionally, Freddie's self-destruction wasn't great with Brian's depressive tendencies. Oh, and Brian didn't do drugs and didn't approve of Freddie's excesses with them (mostly because he worried) which had caused more than one fight. So many fights.

Still, when Freddie saw his former lover on the other side... His heart leapt with joy. He immediately opened, aware of the cold of the german night. Brian had been coming down with something when he last saw him, dizzy and throwing up a lot, on that dreadful day so many months ago when he told them about the albums, and surely this cold wouldn't be good.

So Freddie opened and there was an embrace. There was something between them, a weight that didn't use to be there, but Freddie didn't care.

"Brian, dear, it's so good to see you." He put his hands on the taller man's face, drinking in the sight of those curls, those eyes. It really was good to see him. Freddie had dreamed of that angular face often, but didn't know how to begin to make things right. It had been tough.

Brian on the other hand, didn't like what he was seeing. At all. Freddie looked smaller, diminished, unhappy. All this time when he had tried to reach Freddie and couldn't he imagined him having the time of his life, laughing behind his back, doing great musical creations. But it seemed that most of all he'd been self-destructing. Brian looked at all those drugs and sighed.

"Fred...Why are you hurting yourself like this?"

"Being human is a condition that needs...."

"Don't give me that crap, Fred. You're burning yourself out. There's nothing good about this. Nothing necessary."

Freddie couldn't deny that, and just looked around in shame.

"If I'd known you were coming I'd have cleaned a bit, so you wouldn't have to see all of this."

"That's not it, not it at all." Brian said. He sighed again, a sorrowful look in his eye. "Why didn't you answer any of my calls? I tried and tried to talk to you and you never answered any of my messages. Miami has been trying to reach you about Live aid and you haven't answered."

"Live aid?"

"It's the biggest concert ever, Fred, and it's for charity. We should be there. Queen should be there."

"I guess Paul thought it would distract me...I have to finish the second album, you know..."

Brian looked at him in disbelief. There was something different about him, but Freddie couldn't quite put his finger on it. Maybe it had been too long since they last saw each other.

"How are you going to finish? Will there be anything left of you in a week, in two? It won't, if you keep this up."

And then Freddie had the best idea.

"Stay! Stay here with me and I'll be all right. You will help me through, you will stop me and stop Paul when he's being awful, come on, darling..."

"I can't."

What did he mean he couldn't? Why couldn't he do this small favour for him? What could be more important?

"Sure you can, come on, do this for me..."

"Fred." Brian opened his big trenchcoat, and he was wearing one those big blouses he used to wear many years ago, and something was different about him. The blouse was filled... with a baby bump. "I'm not going to give birth in a drug den."

It all made sense now, Brian's illness - he'd been pregnant. Shit.

"Is it..."

"Of course it's yours. But I don't want you in my child's life until you put yourself together. I can't...I..." Brian was tearing up, and it making Freddie even sadder than before. Shit, this was so wrong. He had abandoned Brian in the moment he needed him the most. He should have called, should have visited, something. He'd left his love alone during practically all of his pregnancy. Not good.

"How far along are you?"

"Due date is in six weeks. I'd like you to be there, Fred, when the baby's born. But you have to promise me, no more self destruction, no more drugs. No more Prenter- he's only hurting you."

Freddie bit his lower lip, trying to process everything. He'd wanted to have a family too, like Roger, like John... And he'd abandoned it, to make some albums that weren't half as good as Queen. He felt stupid and desperately wanted to make everything right again.

"Brian... I'll fix things, ok? I'll make it up to you. This... place, this project is nothing compared to my love-"

Brian was angry.

"So you don't call for months, you make no effort to know... to find out why I was sick, and now you claim to love me? That your love is the biggest ever? I'll let you be in our child's life, Fred but don't think I'll take you back so easily. You claim to love me but you hid this whole solo albums business from me, you left me, alone, in London, when I was ill. Now you see there's a baby and suddenly you love me again? That's not fair. That hurts."

Freddie shook his head, sad. He understood where Brian was coming from, but needed him to know that he loved him, unconditionally, always, despite everything, despite himself.

"Again? I never stop loving you, Bri. You're the love of my life, remember? I... have been a bit lost. But I never stopped loving you."

"You said that you wanted to do something greater. You said you were tired of me, of what we did."

“I was wrong. I shouldn't have done things the way I did, I shouldn't have hidden everything... I shouldn't have broken us up, you and me, Queen. This... this was not the way to go around it. I knew how much my words and actions hurt you, and I didn't want to face up to what I'd done. I didn't know if you could forgive me...So I didn't even try.”

Freddie tried to find Brian's hand. Oh, how he'd missed those bones and skin. Brian rejected his hand at first, but eventually caved, their fingers interlinking. Freddie looked at Brian's eyes, with determination. 

"Let me make things right again. Let me be there for you, make it up for all the time I haven't been there. Let me show you how much I still love you, how much I miss you. How much I regret doing what I did."

Brian was...hesitant.

"I want you to come back, Freddie, of course I do. I want you to be in London with the people who love you, somewhere where you won't hurt yourself like this. And I still love you, but... I don't know if I can trust you. You didn't just lie and hide things from me, the other guys are still pretty hurt too. And me...I've spent all this time waiting for you, alone, calling and..."

Freddie looked at the familiar face of the guitarist, to those soft eyes, to the drenched curls. This was the man he loved, and for some miracle he hadn't moved on with someone else, for some miracle Brian was still waiting for him. And the biggest miracle of all - he was going to have a baby with this person. It was more wondrous, just the sight of Brian so heavily pregnant in his living room than anything he'd seen in that half a year. He couldn't let it go.

"What do I do to make you see how serious I am, what can I do? I'll... leave here with you. Or in another plane if you don't want to see me, but I'll just pack my things and go. Screw the albums, screw the whole solo thing. I'll leave all these drugs, they never helped much anyway. Hell, I won't even smoke around you, it'll be hard but I don't care. I want the band, I want the songs we made, I want to see the guys... I want you."

Brian closed his eyes in pain, put a hand on the lower side of his big belly, bit his lower lip.

"Brian, love? Everything all right?"

"Yeah. It's just...baby's restless.There's a lot of kicking and moving around. Sometimes it hurts."

Freddie smiled softly.

"Isn't that an undeniable truth. Sometimes it hurts."

Brian rubbed his belly with his eyes closed. He was really tired, and it was very late. He wished he had accepted Roger's offer of coming with him. But no, Roger had kids of his own, a life, and this was...such a bother.

Freddie wiped what little tears had fallen from his lover's eyes.

"Brian, I love you. I've loved you for so long, and so very much... You don't know how much, really. I only love you more and more. I've missed you terribly and I thought... I thought this was what I wanted, I thought I wanted the money and the recognition and not being tied by your opinions and ideas, but... I need you so much, John, Roger, you."

"Freddie..."

"I am complicated man. So are you. Our inner worlds can be...difficult to navigate. I understand that what I did was wrong. That you felt abandoned and forgotten. I was wrong to lose myself in the party and the drugs, wrong not to call, to come back to you, see how you were. I can't promise you to be perfect from now on, as much as I wish I could. Sometimes I'll lose myself, sometimes I'll do or say things I shouldn't. Love and life... is not perfect. Sometimes it hurts. But for you and for this child...I'll do anything. I'll try anything – I'll, I'll be my best self."

There was a soft timid kiss.

"No more lies, no more secrets?" Brian asked, hopeful.

"And no more drugs, and no more Paul. You'll have this beautiful baby, we'll do that charity concert and we'll be one, again. A family."

Freddie carefully put a hand on top of Brian's baby bump. It was incredible. Amazing. And then he something under his palm, a movement, a...kick. He nearly cried. Brian winced and closed his eyes.

"Sometimes it hurts a lot."

"But we'll pull through, darling. We are family...and this is our new beginning."

 

**Author's Note:**

> Comments mean the world :)


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